Hi folks –
Just in case you were wondering about ways in which to make your day embarrassing, appear longer than it actually is, or just down right awful, here’s the first installment of:
Brendan’s Wacky Classroom Mishaps!
A Reader's Guide to Getting the Least Out of Your Day
(Author's note: While I can’t guarantee truly awful results, I will tell you that, by following each step to the end for this particular exercise, you’ll definitely develop a sense of woe that’ll carry well into the next morning. Fear not if you don’t plan on standing in front of a class full of 8th graders any time soon. It is my belief that the lessons to be learned in this post are universally friendly therefore adaptable to anyone's life! Let’s get started, shall we?)
Part one -
Screw Up Reading Comprehension Exercises
(So far in this episode, our hero has been given a task in which he is to create a reading comprehension worksheet based on an extremely short passage in the 8th grade reading textbook.)
First off, make sure to under-emphasize the importance of the assignment. I cannot stress enough the importance of not getting a head start – especially if you have an entire week to prepare; it just takes you away from the fun stuff, like browsing new SKYPE icons or checking out incomprehensible telecasts on NHK (which appeared to be devoted to fish…I thought. It could have been about blue jeans; like I said…it was pretty incomprehensible).
While this approach may seem a bit risky, professionally speaking, it is (in my experience) the best way to achieve a quality amount of embarrassment upon the day of reckoning. You can’t make an omelet without skinning a cat…yeah. Something like that.
Let’s assume that the students’ responsibility is to carefully review the content of the passage and be able to answer simple questions as provided by the teacher. As the teacher, preparing for such a task can be quite simple if you have all the necessary tools within reach.
Well, forget that!
Here’s my philosophy: It is very important that you not – I repeat: NOT, have a copy of the textbook at home. Who wants such a cake walk? Booooooorrrinnng! Leave it at work, I say! This is to insure that ‘thrill-factor’ rush when putting the worksheet together the morning of the class. Remember: Nurturing the burn of responsibility breeds feelings that might convince you to get off of the couch.
My recommendation is to not read the assigned passage in its entirety. Doing so will only cause confusion if you find that, upon completion of your worksheet at the 11th hour, what you have written conflicts with the content in the textbook. It’s better to assume that everything matches up nicely. It’ll be more like a surprise birthday party when you realize your wacky mistakes! Oh, there’s just so much to write!
Now that you've gotten everything down on paper, let's head to the copy room!
Make a master copy of your worksheet, then (prior to making SEVERAL copies for your classes and to tease yourself) contemplate seeking approval from the teacher with whom you will be working in class. Don’t devote too much time to this, though; it’s just a mood-setter. There’ll be plenty of time for consultations AFTER you finish making copies. Do ya see where I'm going with this?!
I recommend about 70 to 80 copies of your document just to make the trees cry in protest a little bit louder when your mistakes are revealed.
*For those of you seeking an elevated sense of dread, I suggest the following copying options: Wait until there is an extensive line at the copier to achieve maximum giggles – it’s a hoot, I tell you, and well worth the sweats! Even more, choose the line for the copier that will run out of ink when it’s your turn! Ah, me…
OK – with 5 minutes to class time, you’ve waited long enough…
Show the finished product, along with the copies you were somehow able to make, to the teacher. For extreme satisfaction, when he or she questions you about the worksheet, throw in a few babbling sounds and gasps for air prior to offering lame excuses for your mistakes – remember: you worked really hard to not do this thing right. Milk the experience for what it’s worth!
Finally, EMBRACE THE IRONY! You just made a READING COMPREHENSION review sheet...with content mistakes! I believe this specific type of irony falls under the, “specially placed mood candle burning down your home,” variety. (Thanks to SM for inspiring that one...)
So what have we learned about messing with your day?
Feel free to jot down your own ideas -- I'd be happy to mull them over with you on the unemployment line.
Notes section:
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
In truth, I made a typo on an exercise for one of today’s classes…but what is life if you’re not able to dramatize trivial matters for the entertainment of others? At the very least you develop your skills of embellishment.
"NEVER TRUST SPELL-CHECK!" he cried from up on high.
And THAT’S today’s lesson.
Keep surfing!
Brendan
No comments:
Post a Comment